5 (or so) Questions with Karen Nimmo
Karen Nimmo is a clinical psychologist who frequently sees people with relationship
struggles. We gave her a copy of Folly and asked her to answer a few questions about
relationships prompted by some of the featured works.
After a break up should you accept all social invitations you receive (as in The
Happy Couple)?
This advice is often given to the newly single as a way of getting them back “out there” after
a breakup. I’ve never understood why. You should only say yes to invitations that at least
give you a chance of feeling okay about yourself. There’s no way that spending an evening
with a couple who finish each other’s sentences and a dog with chronic bowel issues will do
that for you. Yoga or chocolate are safer bets.
What advice would you give to the female protagonist in I am obsessed with
you if she showed up to therapy?
Therapists hesitate to hand out advice. We (try to) ask questions that help people come to
their own conclusions. So I’d probably ask her why did she think a man who wanted to email
her a copy of his Master’s thesis about Nocturnal Landscapes in 1990s Montreal to read as
“homework” became the focus of her obsession. (Any thesis, actually.) Call me shallow, but I
reckon that’s a solid red flag.
Do New Zealanders tend to be morally conflicted when contemplating affairs
(The Art Opening). Should we be more French?
From my experience, I think some New Zealanders are very, very French in their
approach to affairs. Most people are conflicted about having an affair, but they’ll still put
those morals in a box to cross the line.
Therapists see a lot of people who are cheating (or have done or want to) but we see far
more who are on the painful end of those choices. Even the cheaters. I wish everyone was
able to foresee the consequences of an affair before they leap. The grass is not always
greener and all that. Sometimes, there’s no grass on the other side – it’s just dirt and
gravel.
If a man turns up to my flat for sex late at night, is this a sign he’s into me or a
sign I am the last resort? Thoughts?
Hmmm. Not sure you need a psychologist to answer that one.
Do the relationships portrayed in Folly have similarities to real New Zealand
couples?
Yes. Similarities to couples the world over, probably. We all love and lie and have sex
with the right and wrong people. We all get hurt and confused and messed up by love –
it’s part of the deal on Planet Relationship.
The wonderful thing about being a therapist is that no matter what you read about
relationships – how inspiring or outrageous or weird or gross it seems – you have heard
way more extreme stories from clients. Yes, even in New Zealand.
Are New Zealanders a bit sexually repressed or prudish? Why is everyone loving
Seawall?
We’re probably somewhere in the middle. For me, Seawall’s appeal is its spin on power and
possibility. It’s clever -- as well as graphic. The only thing repressed about it is that the
author (Snakes) uses a pseudonym. Nice irony. I hope whoever Snakes is gets full credit for
it.
Why do we fantasize about what sex might be like with someone we don’t want
to have sex with? (Not what I am looking for)
Sexual fantasies are a wicked cocktail of memories, desires and emotions. We can have
fantasies about anything and everything but when they’re are deviant they can cause feelings
of shame.
Fantasising about sex is normal, many people have them and it can feel safest to fantasise
about things you’d never do or people you’d never actually want to be with. The good news
is that sexual fantasies are harmless -- unless they reflect your real-life desires/situations and
lead you to act on them.
What does Folly’s short fiction teach people about relationships?
I think if you’re relying on any short fiction for lessons in love then you are probably headed
for trouble.
Let these wonderful pieces make you think, entertain you and sweep you away from your day-
to-day world. But don’t take relationship advice from them. That’d be Folly.